I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
