i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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