His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
