there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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