I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
