Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
