I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
