So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
