Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
