dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
