I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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