This girl is more easily done than said...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
