god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
