Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
