Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
