I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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