it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
