It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
