piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
