singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
