i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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