Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize