Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
