He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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