Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
