i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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