my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
