I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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