If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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