just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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