k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
