Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize