You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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