How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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