Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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