i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
