I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
