Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
