Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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