Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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