I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize