dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
