She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
