You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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