she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
