Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
