You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
