remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
