Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize