Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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