I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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