Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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