I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Randomize
