so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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