lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm getting married
To pizza
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
