This is not my ceiling
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
