Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
