I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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