Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
