Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
