It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
