somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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