singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
