how can u be prego again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
