They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
