yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
