Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize