Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
