I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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