If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
